The Excellent Adventures of Kim and Kev

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Can I Get That Fried With A Side Of Grits?

New York City continued.....

I was starving. I had barely eaten all day anticipating the delicious meal that I was going to have that evening. And I was not disappointed.

My group headed out in the city in search of the perfect steak. We found what we were looking for in a quaint upscale restaurant a couple of streets over.

And yes, I just used the word quaint.

I had a filet that was cooked inside a puff pastry (yum) with steamed spinach and potatoes. And no, I did not have cheesecake for dessert, or ice cream, or even gum. I was stuffed. Like majorly full. And all I could think of doing was sponge bathing in a sink and going to bed.

Sponge bathing is much easier than taking an actual shower. An actual shower is too much work. Especially after a long day and when it is late at night. To be honest, I would ban showers if I could. They are a major time waster.

But enough about that.

I went to bed. Didn't sleep a wink. Then got up at 6am to start my day.

This is what I wore.....

And yes. I looked exactly like the girl in the picture. If she had a middle aged face. And TONS of jewelry on. Oh... and maybe if her height and size was a little different. Regardless, I want you to think of this outfit when I mention walking around the city for blocks and blocks, riding the subway, and mingling with my superiors for 14 hours straight.

And don't forget the shoes.....

Let's just say that being hot was an under statement. I may have been appropriately dressed but my pores were miserable. The outfit had to be sanitized - twice - when I returned home. Not to mention that by the time we reached the "penthouse" for the cocktail party.... I felt like I had been wearing a winter coat while sitting in a sauna on the back of an elephant. My make up was completely melted off. My hair slicked to my head. And my feet felt like huge hams. Because they were so swollen.

Being stylish and professional in The City is hard work. And apparently more than I can handle.

The penthouse was beautiful.......

With amazing views all the way around.....

The party was catered. And very "Sex in the City" ish. But this was where it really hit me that I wasn't in the South anymore. A dinner party in SC would consist of chicken wings, cheese dips, ranch dressing, cream cheese, butter, and fried everything. And enough baked goods to fill a bathtub. A bathtub that seats six.

Not that you would ever need a tub like that. Because it is a little weird.

We were served (on silver platters) steamed asparagus, grilled mahi mahi, goat cheese and figs, and prime rib bites.

It was elegant, entertaining, and a fabulous adventure. And it was a new experience for me to leave a party without feeling stuffed. In fact, I felt light and airy and disgustingly sweaty. So sweaty that the cab driver forced me to double his tip, the doorman made me ride on the service elevator so to not disturb the other guests, and my bed folded up in dismay refusing to let me get in.
I had to sleep in the tub. Which was probably for the best.
And got up again at 6am to start another day. Of high heels, constricting belts, vests, and necklaces that would put Mr. T to shame.
I was polite and professional and represented SC to the best of my ability..... which means I mostly kept my mouth shut.
Until I got to the airport.
I was looking forward to a nice relaxing flight home. Flights that I could sleep on. Soak my feet. And un do my jeans.
Then I was told that my flight from DC to Columbia was delayed. But only by 30 minutes. No big deal. Until that 30 minutes turned in to 3 hours. 3 hours that I was sitting in the floor ( so many flights had been cancelled/delayed - it was packed) eating a cheese quesadilla and grumbling in to my cell phone.
And yes, I still had on my heels, constrictive clothing, and was carrying TWO extremely heavy bags. I tried to get US Air to get me on another flight... and they were going to charge me $50.00. Even though the other flight had an empty seat and would have gotten me out of there sooner. However, three hours later, they offered me $300 and a free fight to anywhere if I would give up my seat because my flight was overbooked.... by one seat.
Me think US Air is not so smart.
And I know what you are thinking.... I should have taken the deal. But all I wanted to do was get home. I couldn't fathom being stuck at that airport for any longer. I was at my wits end.
So, I mooned the people at the counter and boarded the plane.
If it makes any difference... I did it in a professional and stylish way.
The End. (no pun intended)

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