Now I know why he had been growing a beard for the last month..... my Mom was right... Kev does have red hair. He hand stitched this costume from some green felt and white paint. I had no idea he was so talented with the costuming. He is officially hired to dress my family for our next event! The pic is a little blurry because he was dancing "The River Dance" and singing about "Finding me Lucky Charms". It also looks as if he has a removable arm.... maybe the huge pot of gold that he had separated his arm from his socket. Oh well... he didn't seem to be in any pain..... so we continued with the celebration....I was hoping to have a REAL Leprechaun attend our party... but couldn't seem to catch one. I read somewhere that they liked shiny things, trinkets, and mixed nuts... so, I built a cage and placed all of those things in it. When I got home from work... much to my surprise and disappointment - Kev was in the cage! Apparently, I had replicated a pawn shop. He had eaten the nuts and had priced all of the trinkets. I now owe him interest.
I also did some research on what food Irish people eat. Now, I am part Eskimo/part Hillbilly - I know it's an odd mix but you can't fight love - but you might want to if you are an Eskimo or Hillbilly and have met me and don't want your children to be like me. Kev is Norwegian. IF we ate what our ancestors ate then we would be eating herring, beets, raw fish fresh from the ice, whale blubber, bologna, and spam. DISGUSTING! I was hoping that we would have some luck with Irish food. I hope that I am not offending anyone... but cabbage, Reuben sandwiches, and green beer is not very appetizing. So, then I googled Leprechaun food ( I really did... and it REALLY came up with a list of stuff) and that consisted of twigs, potato peelings, brussel sprouts and fatty bacon ( very similar to a hillbilly). Anyway, after a week of agonizing menu planning... we finally came up with the following..... grilled Reuben sandwiches ( with roast beef - no sauerkraut), fried potato peelings (chips), and cabbage (in the form of cole slaw). The point of this story is that it is more important to celebrate a holiday the best way you can than to ignore it because you don't like the food. Which is always my motto on "pretend liver and onions are delicious day". I eat a Chic-Fil-A sandwich while sitting next to the trash.... that way I have the disgusting smell with a good taste in my mouth.
And our dessert..... I thought long and hard about this one. Basically it just came down to me making something easy and green. I layered pistachio pudding (very interesting taste... weird but "somewhat" enjoyable - kind of like the Sci Fi channel... except for that would have to be "not very" enjoyable) and cool whip. I topped it with mini marshmallows. That was the best part of the whole dessert. I had forgotten how much I enjoy marshmallows.... and by "ENJOY", I mean "They make me so happy when I pop them in my mouth that it gives me obnoxious giggles". I'm sure that Kev would agree with that last statement - except he didn't giggle - he just stared at me in disbelief and forced me to take my Ritalin. Kev's exact words about the dessert... "It was interesting, different, and Leprechaunish". I'm sure Paula Deen hears that exact review of her food when she serves it... so, it made me feel special.
These were two of the clowns sitting next to me.... Austin (left) and Elijah (right). I'm sure my Mom will be thanking me for posting a pic of her backside!
Speaking of clowns.... I was crowned the queen of all nonsense and tom foolery. The two clowns on either side of me are my court jesters.... Michael (left)... and yes that is his REAL hair, not a clown wig.. and Ashlynn (right).
Here is my Mom eating her nonsense and ridiculousness on a stick! Anything that is dipped in chocolate and placed on a stick should be outlawed. I sat several seats away from her for fear of ruining my reputation!
And last but not least is "baby" Mason and my sister Shannon. Mason is actually 5 but since he is the youngest ... he is still the "baby". He is making the typical forced smile that young kids make when posing for pics.
And now for my story of KFed..... aka Kevin Federline.... aka Fed -ex of Britney Spears... aka moocher, bad rapper, and thug. Now let me just clarify that I don't know KFed personally and I do realize that you can't always believe whatever you read. However, we are HUGE fans of celebrities... we watch all the shows, read the mags, etc. We love knowing about them. So, even though I don't personally care for Kevin ( not to be confused with my husband).... he has touched Britney who has touched JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE... who I LOVE!!! So, this sighting of KFed was pretty exciting in my book! He just happened to be staying at the same resort as my parents in Disney.... The Animal Kingdom Lodge. Bethany texted me that she was with him on the elevator.... so I immediately contacted Melissa who is just as much of a fan of celebs as me. She started doing research on TMZ to see if she could see my family stalking KFed. Meanwhile I got another text from Bethany saying that my Mom had just run up to him and had taken his picture. Now, my Mom will take pics of anything and everything..... I still wasn't sure if it was really KFed. Once, my Mom took a picture of me because she thought I was the Hamburgler.... granted I was holding a hamburger in each hand and was dressed in the Hamburgler costume for a family celebration of McDonalds... but still - my point is that she isn't as in to celebrities as me and I wondered how in the world my Mom even knew who KFed was. 
His name is Doodles the Dolphin. Kev got him for me last year. He takes the place of Bethany since she moved away to Florida. The plus side of Doodles is that he not only keeps me company.... but he also chlorinates the pool (and he doesn't get water everywhere when he goes to the bathroom). Bethany could not ever seem to do that even though she tried.... Sangria is not the same as chlorine!
I also saved a caterpillar's life yesterday! It was one of those cute and fuzzy caterpillars... the kind that looks like they are constantly smiling. It kept crawling to the edge of the pool and would look in... except one time he lost his grip and slipped right in. I immediately ran over and scooped him out. My plan was to give him mouth to mouth... but one look at my teeth headed in his direction scared him back to life. He smiled at me and crawled away. My sisters used to LOVE those caterpillars when we were little. They filled a bucket full of them.... and then carried them in the house. It just happened to be a Wednesday and we had to get to church so the caterpillar bucket was left on the floor of their bedroom. No harm in that... right? WRONG! When we got home... they were everywhere!! Even weeks later, my Mom was still finding them inside of clothes in their dresser drawers. Now that I think about it... two days after the incident I had a new sister.... coincidence? I mean my Mom was birthing babies every other day... but I don't remember helping her with this one. Is this why Kristen only eats leaves?
This was my other responsibility today..... finding a cure for Peachy Keen!
She is our peach tree. We did not realize that we had a peach tree until last year (The first year that we lived here there was a late freeze in the Spring and all of our blooms died). Can you even imagine my delight that I had a peach tree in my back yard. There are SOOOO many things you can do with peaches - but eating them is my favorite! I waited all summer to make a peach cobbler.... but when I finally went to make it... we realized that the peach tree had not been properly cared for and all of the peaches were rotten. Except for the ones that my Dad ate ... right off the tree... before they were ripe. Remember... he is from Kentucky. So, this year, Kev gave me the responsibility to find out how to care for the tree. We can make a pretty penny selling peaches at the pawn shop... don't you think? Well, I went to Lowe's today and talked to a guy who knows about peaches and he sold me some nonsense spray that I hope works. That and apparently spraying the trunk with white latex paint makes a difference. Paint flavored peach cobbler... YUM! I also want to point out that the people who lived here before us planted a palm tree right underneath the peach tree. That ridiculousness will give you a tiny glimpse in to how they did everything with this house. They are both gorgeous trees... but unfortunately are in the middle of a duel for survival because they are crashing in to one another. Wait until you see Peachy Keen fully bloomed. She is so pretty!
Since I never made it out of the house yesterday.... I am just now getting around to baking my Butterfinger cake and breakfast casserole. We are having it tonight and looking forward to it. You better believe I will write about the deliciousness of it in my next post.
And last but not least... I just wanted to tell you how much enjoyment I have gotten out of writing this blog. It has been so much fun to remember and discuss experiences from my childhood... not only with family members but with friends (especially Christen Reed with whom I have discovered several similiarities in our upbringing even though we are 30 years apart in age - how cool is that!). It has also been great letting you in to our crazy but wonderful lives... not to mention that I have been able to prove that Kev exists. See, I'm not crazy... mostly. Anyway, thanks for reading!
Up next.... yummy food, KFed, and the circus comes to town!
When Holly was young, I was more of a nurturer... always wanting to take care of her and such. When she became a teenager our relationship turned in to a friendship. We would go out to dinner, go shopping, listen to music... etc. She is hilarious... by the way! Always the entertainer. We used to go on these month long cross country trips when we were younger. We had a huge "bus" ( everyone had their own bench) that would pull our pop up camper. We didn't have ipods, dvd players, game boys... we just had our imaginations and talent for performing. Everyone except for Holly would gather on my bench. We would watch her perform puppet shows, karaoke, tell jokes... it was crazy entertainment. I will never forget her performance of "red red wine" by the UB40's performed as a Muppet. Priceless!
She is also an amazing commentator! You will never experience the zoo, a tour, sitting in the car the same way again. She always makes up stories, voices, and words for any one around her. We have video tape after video tape of us on historical tours where she is telling her own story. I'm telling you.... you will laugh so hard around her that your eyes will pop out!
Things we have in common.....
1. We both LOVE to cook. She really got in to the whole recipe collecting, creative cooking before I did. She went all out for my 20th birthday and made me a Mexican dinner that my mouth still waters for. She is a vegetarian and she can still cook MEAT! That's a pretty cool talent! She just sent me a recipe for vegetarian sausage balls! I'm actually making them tonight and can't wait! Me and Kev LOVE appetizers.... so much so that we have appetizer dinners quite often...(just like Cher in the movie Mermaid). You can imagine that sausage balls are one of our favorites. With this recipe (made with vege burgers chopped up instead of sausage) it will be healthier and as Holly says... it can sit out on the counter all day or you can carry a ball around in your pocket without having to worry about the meat going bad. That is TWO wins in one recipe. I love to keep food in my pocket in case I have an emergency of hunger... and with real sausage balls, I would always have a grease stain on my pocket. That is not very appropriate for where I work.
2. We both like a lot of the same music.... old country, Dixie Chicks, Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. I've always loved music and dancing... except not dancing in public. I dance for very few people.... my family, Kev, and some of the girls at work - if they are very lucky! I can do the moonwalk, the soldja boy, and the boot scoot boogie. I taught Holly all of these dances. She tells me that she used to put on my favorite pair of pants ( bright yellow and black checked ) and would dance around in them while I was at work. This was not recently, by the way, as I'm sure that is what you are thinking. It was when I was in highschool. I had a 80's wardrobe to die for!
What we do NOT have in common....
1. Holly is a SERGEANT in the ARMY! How cool is that!!! She was once in retail like me... we even worked for the same company (me in Columbia and her in Louisville, KY). With the ever changing retail market... she suddenly decided to join the army. Now I would have maybe decided to be a chef, a pro volleyball player, or a Sasquatch before I would have joined the Army... it totally freaks me out. But not Holly... she is so independent and tough and is AMAZING at what she does! We are SO proud of her and all she has accomplished... not to mention what she does for our country! She was stationed in Hawaii first... that is where she met her husband of 3 years - Kris Craighead. Now they are stationed in Cuba. The scenery is amazing and they have a beautiful home. They also have adopted a dog named Poncho. His real name was Kevin but Holly changed it for fear there would be confusion if Kev and the dog were in the same room together and one of them pooped on the floor. The crazy thing about it is that I call Kevin... Poncho when we are eating Mexican food. I'm starting to wonder if they are the same person/dog.
She has also learned many uses for Cuban cigars.
2. She is a vegetarian... as I mentioned before. I could never be one of those kinds of people. I was born with such huge strong teeth... and it would be a waste to only use them on bread, cheese, and pasta. There are FOUR vegetarians in my family.... Holly, Kristen, and Bethany and Kristen's son Elijah. My Mom always says that they are vegetarian for very different reasons... Holly is because she hates the taste of meat. Kristen is because of her love for animals ( Elijah feels the same way) and Bethany is because she wants to be difficult and annoying. I believe everything my Mom says... mostly.
PS- I will be going to visit Holly in a couple of weeks.... not in Cuba - they won't allow me to enter the country- but in Florida. Stay tuned for some great Switzer shenanigans!
